AN INTERVIEW WITH THE CURIOUS FORTEAN

Wearing my Fortean Times-sponsored 'Operation Congo 1985' mokele-mbembe expedition t-shirt, whose wonderful m-m logo was created by FT's very own Hunt Emerson (© Dr Karl Shuker)

I was recently interviewed by Matt Cook from The Curious Fortean on a wide range of interesting subjects – from classic cryptids such as Nessie and the Congolese mokele-mbembe to the little loriciferan that was named after me, the prestigious Golden Yeti awards bestowed upon me a month ago for my contributions to cryptozoology, and much else besides. You can read the interview in full here, on The Curious Fortean's blog, and also be sure to check out the official Facebook group for The Curious Fortean here.

My sincere thanks to Matt for interviewing me and for posing such a fascinating series of thoughtful, insightful questions.

Also, be sure to check out my two most recent books – Still In Search Of Prehistoric Survivors and Here's Nessie! A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness – both of which are referred to in this interview.

STILL IN SEARCH OF PREHISTORIC SURVIVORS - CHOSEN AS THE BEST CRYPTOZOOLOGY BOOK OF 2016

Just two days after I received from Loren Coleman and the International Cryptozoology Museum the prestigious Golden Yeti Award as Cryptozoologist of the Year 2016 – a massive honour recognised internationally as the veritable Oscar of Cryptozoology – I was delighted and awed to discover on my birthday yesterday that in his always much-anticipated annual listing of the year's best cryptozoology books Loren has chosen my newest book, Still In Search Of Prehistoric Survivors: The Creatures That Time Forgot?, as THE Best Cryptozoology Book of 2016!!

Not only that, but also included in his Top Ten Cryptozoology Books of 2016 listing (click here to view it on Loren's CryptoZooNews website) is my earlier 2016 book, Here's Nessie! A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness. Thank you so much, Loren, for bestowing such praise and honour upon my books - I am truly grateful, and very greatly honoured. Moreover, I'd like to take this opportunity to offer my thanks too to all of the numerous correspondents, artists (in particular Bill Rebsamen), and crypto-colleagues globally whose much-valued contributions to these books of mine have helped them achieve such success; to Michael Newton and to Henry Bauer for their respective splendid forewords; and most especially to Chad Arment and Coachwhip Publications re Still In Search Of Prehistoric Survivors and to Jon Downes and CFZ Press re Here's Nessie! for producing in each respective instance  such a beautifully-presented volume from my original manuscript and submitted illustrations.

How I wish that my dear mother Mary Shuker, who initiated my life-long passion for cryptozoology (click here for details), could have seen all of this – she would have been so proud of her lad, as she always fondly called me and whom she loved so much. God bless you Mom, and thank you again most sincerely Loren. This is what has always encouraged me in the researching and writing of my books and articles, and made it all so worthwhile for me – namely, to learn via such recognition as this that my work is valued so much by, and gives so much pleasure to, readers and fellow researchers/writers alike. What more can any author ask for?

HERE'S NESSIE! – MY LOCH NESS MONSTER BOOK IS PUBLISHED!

Here's Nessie! A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness – my 24^th book, now in print (© Dr Karl Shuker/CFZ Press)

It is all thanks to my mother Mary Shuker taking me as a child to the town of Walsall in the West Midlands, England, one afternoon during the late 1960s that I first learnt of the Loch Ness monster (LNM). For it was while we were browsing together that day in Walsall's branch of the books and stationery shop W.H. Smith that Mom bought me a thoroughly amazing, captivating book entitled Stranger Than People.

Published in 1968, it was packed with lavishly-illustrated spreads documenting mysteries from the real world, the world of myths and legends, and the world of fiction (which included some wonderful, specially-written short stories). It is within the pages of this momentous, life-changing volume, one that profoundly influenced and nurtured what has become my lifelong interest in mysterious phenomena (especially of the cryptozoological and zoomythological kinds), that I first read about such diverse but fascinating subjects as the yeti, the colossus of Rhodes, Edgar Cayce and telepathy, werewolves and vampires, the kraken, giants, the minotaur, Von Kempelen's chess player, mermaids, witches and witchcraft, 'deathless' warriors, aliens, trolls, zombies, leprechauns, feral children, Herne the hunter, Moby Dick – and, of course, Nessie, the Loch Ness monster (LNM).

With two wonderful, life-changing books – The Story of the Loch Ness Monster and Stranger Than People; and with one wonderful, life-changing lady – my mother, Mary Shuker (© Dr Karl Shuker)

A few years later, moreover, during a visit to the Warwickshire, England, town of Stratford-upon-Avon (birthplace of William Shakespeare), Mom bought me my first LNM book, Tim Dinsdale's The Story of the Loch Ness Monster (1973). An enthralling account of this Scottish mystery beast's remarkable history, it was justifiably lauded as a Commended Title in the prestigious Times Educational Supplement Information Book Awards during that same year.

Needless to say, I was hooked - and have been in relation to this long-necked aquatic cryptid ever since – unlike Nessie, conversely, which continues to be just as evasive today as way back then, over 40 years ago now, but, equally, remains just as thought-provoking and enigmatic too.

Tim Dinsdale, to whom my book is dedicated (© Prof. Henry H. Bauer)

Indeed, the LNM is not only the premier mystery beast of the United Kingdom, it also vies with the bigfoot or sasquatch as the most famous one anywhere in the world. Little wonder, therefore, that during my many years as a cryptozoological researcher and writer I should have documented it and all manner of aspects relating to it in a wide range of publications.

Now, however, for the very first time and in direct response to popular demand, the vast majority of these previously disparate Nessie-themed writings of mine have finally been brought together, and in expanded, updated form whenever possible too, to yield my newly-published LNM compendium, covering a fascinating, extremely broad spectrum of pertinent topics.

Nessie, is this really you? Artistic reconstruction of what the LNM may look like, always assuming of course that such an entity actually exists! (© Connor Lachmanec)

The first two chapters set the scene by offering a comprehensive review of the history and controversies associated with this most contentious of aquatic cryptids. The others that follow them investigate such subjects as some of the most – and least – plausible taxonomic identities that have been proposed for it; the closely-linked traditional Scottish folklore of kelpies and other water-horses; a look at various Nessie-related hoaxes; an extensive survey of less familiar water monsters reported from other Highland lochs; some reviews of Nessie-related material; a hitherto-unpublished LNM sighting given to me by none other than leading Nessie researcher and eyewitness Tim Dinsdale shortly before his untimely death (and to whom my book is dedicated); Nessie and the noble hobby of philately; a retrospective devoted to the historic LNM conference staged by the International Society of Cryptozoology at Edinburgh's Royal Museum of Scotland in 1987; the abiding paradox of the mystifying Pictish beast as intricately carved upon numerous ancient symbol stones by Scotland's early 'painted people' the Picts; my very own tribute in verse to Nessie; an annotated, YouTube-linked listing of Nessie-themed songs and music videos; and much more too!

Supplementing these diverse subjects is an equally eclectic selection of illustrations - a dedicated Nessie gallery containing a dazzling array of spectacular full-colour LNM artwork, including a number of specially-commissioned, previously-unpublished examples - plus a wide range of text images, a delightful foreword by veteran Nessie researcher Prof. Henry H. Bauer, very comprehensive bibliography of non-fiction LNM books, a listing of current Nessie-themed websites, and a detailed index.

Smirnoff's famous, fondly-remembered Nessie-themed magazine advertisement from the 1980s (© Smirnoff – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis only)

So without further ado, I hope that you enjoy my latest, 24^th book, welcoming you to the sometimes decidedly weird yet always totally wonderful world of Nessie - the mystifying but ever-memorable monster of Loch Ness.

My book is available here on Amazon USA, and here on Amazon UK (the 'temporarily unavailable' notice on the latter site merely relates to its need to order more stock of it), as well as directly from the publisher, CFZ Press, here.

Peek-a-boo! – Styxosaurus plesiosaur (© Julian Johnson/Wikipedia CC BY-SA 2DOT0 licence)

A FROG AS BIG AS A GOAT - THE MOST MYSTIFYING LOCH NESS MONSTER SIGHTING EVER?

Might the bizarre-sounding cryptid allegedly encountered by diver Duncan Macdonald while underwater in Loch Ness during the late 19^th Century have looked something like this? (© Richard Svensson)

Of all of the many Nessie-related subjects documented by me down through the years (and now collected together in my forthcoming book Here's Nessie: A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness), few have attracted so many enquiries from readers and correspondents as the extraordinary 'frog as big as a goat' supposedly sighted one day by diver Duncan Macdonald while underwater in Loch Ness during the late 1800s (click here for an earlier mention of this cryptid by me on ShukerNature). The incident was first reported almost half a century later, in Inverness's Northern Chronicle newspaper (by an unnamed writer) on 31 January 1934, and this report has in turn been referred to by a number of subsequent publications, but (as far as I am aware) it has never been republished anywhere in full – until now!

Courtesy of the indefatigable research skills of fellow cryptozoological investigator Richard Muirhead (thanks Richard!), earlier today I was delighted to receive a copy of the original Northern Chronicle article, which actually consisted of several different Nessie-themed items linked together. Here is the quite short but very intriguing one concerning Macdonald's alleged encounter:

A DIVER'S EXPERIENCE

Many stories have been circulated by those who go down to the depths inside a diving-bell. Some of them are, doubtless, true; others, of course, must be taken with the proverbial grain of salt. But the truth of any story can very often be guaranteed by a little careful investigation.

Here is such a story, and, as it concerns Loch Ness, and the experience which befell a well-known diver, it might, by reason of its uniqueness, act as a spur to those whose training has fitted them to probe the mysteries of marine zoology, for, in the opinion of the writer, it is but another aspect of the case of the Loch Ness "monster."

Some forty-five to fifty years ago a small sailing vessel carrying a cargo of guano, when making the passage through Loch Ness, struck a submerged reef known as "Johnnie's Point," and sank, fortunately without loss of life.

The mishap occurred during the night, and when dawn broke it was seen that the tops of the masts were still above water.

Realising that the vessel might be raised, a squad of men was quickly on the scene, and chains were passed underneath the hulk.

But ere the job was completed the action of the water suddenly dislodged the craft, and she vanished into the depths.

Still hoping to salve the wreck, the owner secured the services of Mr Duncan Macdonald, a noted diving expert, who was at the time employed at the Crinan Canal.

Mr Macdonald duly arrived, and it was from the Caledonian Canal Company's diving-barge that he carried out operations.

A STRANGE CREATURE

After having made a descent of thirty feet, Mr Macdonald signalled that he wished to come up, and, on being questioned as to whether there was any sign of the ship, he said there was none.

From this it was obvious that further attempts would be useless, so he was undressed, and the party prepared to make for Fort-Augustus, their headquarters.

Now one man in the party, having heard stories of a strange creature which was said to live in the loch, began to question the diver. The latter, however, was at first rather diffident about taking any part in the conversation.

Yet, since the others knew that anything he might tell them would be perfectly true, they persisted, and finally the diver said that he saw a strange creature that day.

It lay, he said, on a ledge of rock, on the self-same ledge, apparently, on which the keel of the wrecked vessel had rested, about thirty feet down.

There, he continued, lay a queer-looking beast, which he described as something in the nature of a huge frog.

It stared at him, but, as it showed neither ferocity nor fear, he did not disturb it. In his own words he "saw that the beast made no effort to interfere with me, and I did not interfere with it." As to size, the diver said the creature was "as big as a goat, or a good wedder [Scots dialect word for a castrated male sheep]."

The story, exactly as given, was told by Mr Donald Fraser, lock-keeper, Fort Augustus, who often heard the diver (his own grand-uncle) tell it many years ago.

STRANGE CREATURES

Naturally, this incident raises some very important questions, and the first is – Is the frog-like creature related in any way to the "monster" or "monsters" which inhabit Loch Ness?

Or does the diver's story show that such creatures are entirely different from the present "monster"?

If this be so, it is not unreasonable to presume that they might prove to be the form, or perhaps one of the forms[,] of life with which – who can tell? – Loch Ness abounds, and on which the "monster" sustains itself.

In any case[,] past reports of strange creatures having been seen in the loch show conclusively that they and their kind have had their homes there for centuries, and, this being so, it would seem that were they living on fish life, i.e., salmon and trout, to the extent that some people think they do, the whole or at least most of the salmon kind – still fairly plentiful – would long since have been decimated.

Thus, there being no reason at all why the above statements should be doubted, it will surely be granted that the time is ripe for some competent body to conduct an investigation into the under-water life of Loch Ness.

This remarkable report does indeed raise some very important questions, though not necessarily the ones posed in it by its anonymous author.

First and foremost: as Loch Ness is famous for the blackness of its waters due to their high concentration of peat, how could Macdonald have perceived this goat-sized 'frog' – or indeed anything else, for that matter – while diving at a depth of 30 ft? Having said that, the very fact that he went down there at all, in search of the sunken guano vessel, suggests that some degree of underwater vision must be possible at such depths in this loch. Perhaps, however, the viewing conditions were not sufficient for him to obtain a clear picture of the creature's form, so, who knows, maybe it wasn't genuinely frog-like after all, but actually was simply a typical Nessie longneck viewed at an angle at which its neck was not visible to him.

Alternatively, there is even the possibility that in reality it was some very large form of vaguely frog-like fish – an extremely big wels catfish Siluris glanis, perhaps, whose wide mouth would certainly call to mind that of a frog if encountered face-on in poor visibility. The wels is not native to Britain, it was introduced to various lakes here from Germany during the 1870s and 1880s, but Loch Ness is not one of the lakes featured in documented introductions. Of course, as so many illegal introductions/releases of non-native species across Britain during the past two centuries readily testify, however, just because no documented introductions of wels specimens into Loch Ness are on record, this doesn't necessarily mean that none has taken place...

Is this what Macdonald really saw? (© William M. Rebsamen)

Moving on, it is well worth noting that the Northern Chronicle's telling of this incident is very matter-of-fact, in stark contrast to modern-day retellings, which generally claim that Macdonald was terror-stricken, refused to speak about his sighting for days afterwards, etc, etc. Consequently, these would appear to be melodramatic embellishments added subsequently by person(s) unknown.

The notion aired by the above report's author that perhaps this creature was not itself Nessie but was instead some second, entirely different species of monster – and one, moreover, that may actually constitute the prey of the 'real' Nessie – offers a fascinating if implausible prospect to say the least, doubling the quandary of whether any type of large cryptid inhabits this vast expanse of freshwater.

Loch Ness is BIG!! (public domain)

Equally thought-provoking is the author's claim that "...past reports of strange creatures having been seen in the loch show conclusively that they and their kind have had their homes there for centuries". On the contrary, because cryptozoological sceptics in particular habitually discount traditional stories of water-horses and water-bulls existing here, for instance, as nothing more than folk-tales, with no factual basis.

Moreover, in a very extensive Fortean Studies paper published in 2001 that surveyed no fewer than 87 cases of mysterious beasts allegedly spied in or on the shores of Loch Ness prior to 1933 (the year that marked the beginning the modern age of Nessie sightings), German cryptozoological investigator Ulrich Magin dismissed all of them as featuring mere legends, unsubstantiated rumours, or creatures that were unrelated to the long-necked Nessie-type cryptids reported from this loch from 1933 onwards. He concluded that there was no pre-1930s tradition of monsters inhabiting Loch Ness, only the possibility that some marine creature had somehow entered it during the early 1930s and that this is what had given rise to subsequent sightings of monsters there. This prospect is one that had been contemplated by the likes of early LNM chroniclers Lieutenant Commander Rupert T. Gould and Dr Anthonie C. Oudemans too.

An engraving of Dr Anthonie C. Oudemans (public domain)

But what did Magin think about Macdonald's 'giant frog'? In his listing, this was Case #32, but, interestingly, he was apparently unaware of its original Northern Chronicle source, because he stated: "This is a story which appears in most books about Nessie but always without reference", and he cited one such book, Peter Costello's In Search of Lake Monsters (1974), as the source that he had consulted.

After quoting Costello's brief version of Macdonald's own description of this underwater mystery beast's appearance, Magin concluded "...the description is unlikely to refer to a long-necked animal or any other animal known in the loch". Or indeed elsewhere, in fact, as I am certainly not aware of any living species of frog-like creature the size of a goat that is currently known to science in the living state (there are of course various extremely large amphibians known from the fossil record).

At present, therefore, the goat-sized 'frog' of Loch Ness remains a major enigma in the Nessie chronicles. Nevertheless, now that its original published source has been resurrected and reproduced here, one of the most mystifying and paradoxical LNM-associated reports – ostensibly unlikely, yet supplied by a very experienced and seemingly highly-reliable eyewitness - is finally readily available for scrutiny and further investigation by future Nessie researchers.

This ShukerNature blog article is excerpted exclusively from my forthcoming book Here's Nessie: A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness.

You never know what you may encounter when diving underwater in Loch Ness! (© William M. Rebsamen)

WHITE MICE, BUMBLEBEES, AND ALIEN WORMS? UNEXPECTED MINI-MONSTERLINGS IN LOCH NESS

White mice on the bottom of Loch Ness? Surely not… lol (public domain)

On 20 September 1981, an article penned by George Rosie on the subject of some very intriguing mystery beasts in miniature that had lately been filmed in Loch Ness appeared in no less august a publication than the Sunday Times. During July of that year, Mike Carrie and Jim Hogan had been scouring the loch bottom seeking the 29-year-old wreck of British racing driver John Cobb's jet speedboat, Crusader. (Tragically, Cobb had met his death on the loch after hitting at over 200 mph an unexplained wake - deemed by some to have actually been the LNM - while attempting to break the world water speed record on 29 September 1952 in Crusader, which had then sunk.)

They had been using a specialised underwater television camera that amplified light 2,500 times (essential in the peaty waters of Loch Ness) and was from Carrie's own company, Submersible Television Surveys Ltd. For some time, nothing but barren mud and rocks could be seen, then suddenly some small white life-forms flitted into view, which Carrie and Hogan videoed. According to Carrie:

I can best describe then as giant white tadpoles. They were about two or three inches long, white or pale grey in colour, seemed to have tails and swam just above the bottom.

Hogan, conversely, considered that they more closely resembled "wee white mice" with long tails and legs:

They propelled themselves along the bottom in a jerky way. We knew what size they were because there was an extension to the camera to measure them against.

Greatly intrigued by these highly unexpected and very baffling yet seemingly uncommon mini-monsterlings (they only saw a handful during 3 weeks of filming), Carrie and Hogan submitted their videotape of them to Dr P. Humphrey Greenwood, an ichthyologist at London's Natural History Museum (NHM), for his opinion as to what they may be. Equally fascinated, Dr Greenwood arranged for some computer-enhanced outlines of the mystery beasties to be prepared, which in turn revealed that they seemed to have three pairs of limbs or limb-like protuberances.

Joseph W. Zarzynski's 1986 book containing a chapter dealing with the 'white mice' of Loch Ness (© Joseph W. Zarzynski - reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis only)

In a letter dated 18 April 1985 sent to veteran Lake Champlain monster investigator Joseph W. Zarzynski, who had written to him enquiring about this mystifying species, Greenwood stated:

On the subject of that object I am certainly prepared to say that the information on its size, and from what I could determine of its form and locomotion in the videotape, I would suggest that it was a small crustacean, and certainly it was no vertebrate animal that I could identify as being part of the fauna of Loch Ness.

Zarzynski reproduced the above quote in a short chapter devoted to these entities (and also to Tullimonstrum – see more about this enigmatic creature here on ShukerNature) in his book Monster Wrecks from Loch Ness and Lake Champlain (1986).

Additionally, Rose had noted that Greenwood's best guess was that (in Rose's words): "it could be some kind of bottom-dwelling crustacean, hitherto unknown in Loch Ness, similar to some found in other deep-water lakes such as Lake Baikal in Siberia".

An amphipod (public domain)

When I read Rose's account in the Sunday Times, I thought straight away of amphipods, which are usually very small, superficially shrimp-like crustaceans represented by both marine and freshwater species. Some of these do have long tails and are often pale in colour, but they sport more than three pairs of legs (though some are only very small and slender, and thus may not have been rendered visible even by the computer-enhancement techniques that the NHM applied to the Carrie-Hogan videotape). So could these loch-bottom mini-monsterlings constitute a new species? Quite possibly - but without a specimen to examine, their taxonomic identity presently remains unresolved.

Interestingly, however, the latter videotape was not the first evidence for the existence of Loch Ness's 'white mice' (the name by which these still-unidentified life-forms are most commonly known nowadays), or at least something like them. As far back as 1972, at around the same time that they obtained their famous underwater 'flipper' photographs in the loch, longstanding Nessie seeker Dr Robert Rines and his team from the Academy of Applied Science (AAS) also filmed what may be the same 'white mouse' species, or possibly a smaller, related version, or even a juvenile version.

A photographic still from that film, which appeared in the AAS's 1972 publication, Underwater Search at Loch Ness, depicted a pale mystery monsterling tha was somewhat bumblebee-like in shape (hence Rines and his team nicknamed such creatures 'bumblebees'). However, it sported a pair of long appendages stretched out horizontally that made it look surprisingly similar to those familiar surface-dwelling freshwater hemipteran insects known as water boatmen (genus Corixa) and backswimmers (genus Notonecta). I am greatly indebted to American lake monster researcher Scott Mardis for kindly sharing with me several additional stills from the AAS's 'bumblebee' film, made available in turn to him by LNM investigator Dick Raynor, which corroborate this mystery creature's morphology as seen in the photograph contained in the AAS's above-noted 1972 publication.

Basic outline of a Loch Ness 'bumblebee' - a sketch based upon the image of one such creature in a photographic still from the 1972 AAS film (© Dr Karl Shuker)

Scott has likened the 'bumblebee' form to a veliger (the larva of gastropod molluscs), whereas Canadian cryptozoologist Sebastian Wang has compared it with tiny shelled crustaceans known as ostracods, and Loch Ness veteran Adrian Shine has suggested a cladoceran crustacean (aka water flea) from the genus Bythotrephes. Some mystery beast investigators have even speculated that perhaps it is a larval form of Nessie itself, but unless the latter is an invertebrate, as these 'white mice' and 'bumblebees' must surely be, this notion is untenable.

However, such a huge body mass as possessed by the adult Nessie (judging at least from eyewitness accounts) would surely require an internal skeleton in order to support it and give it shape, which thereby argues against an invertebrate identity for the LNM. This telling point was noted by American college student Jay Cooney in an interesting article dealing with Loch Ness's monsterlings, which he uploaded onto his Bizarre Zoology blog on 30 March 2014. (Unfortunately, however, this particular article later developed image-corruption problems, so Jay subsequently removed it from his blog.)

Line diagram of a well-developed veliger (public domain)

'White mice' and 'bumblebees' are not the only unexplained life forms discovered in Loch Ness. Once again in 1981, but this time in April via a scientific paper written by Dr T.B. Reynoldson and two fellow University College of North Wales zoologists, and published in the Journal of Zoology, the remarkable news was made public that a creature which could legitimately be described as an alien worm had been discovered here too, and in some numbers. More specifically, it was Phagocata woodworthi, a species of North American triclad turbellarian flatworm not native to Europe and never previously recorded from anywhere outside the New World.

Up to 1.2 in long and 0.2 in wide, dark grey, brown, or almost black dorsally, paler ventrally, dorsoventrally flattened, and sporting a truncate head, this out-of-place (o-o-p) invertebrate (o-o-p species are often referred to loosely as alien species) is known to attach its cocoons with limpet-like efficiency to the bottoms of maritime vessels. However, the likelihood that these could remain in situ during an entire transatlantic crossing seems unlikely – plus, few vessels traversing the Caledonian Canal have come from America anyway. So how did this species reach Loch Ness?

A related species of Phagocata (public domain)

With ultimate irony, researchers have concluded that the likeliest sources of these worms are none other than the various monster-hunting vessels that have been transported down through the years from North America directly to the loch, in particular a mini-submarine imported here in 1977.

This ShukerNature blog article is excerpted from my forthcoming book, Here's Nessie! A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness – out soon!

An illustration from 1886 of the common European backswimmer Notonecta glauca (public domain)

IN TUNE WITH NESSIE - A SELECTION OF LOCH NESS MONSTER-THEMED SONGS

Sheet music for 'I'm the Monster of Loch Ness', a 1934 song made famous by British variety star Leslie Holmes (public domain/supplied by Joe Mancini)

It will probably come as no surprise to discover that such an iconic figure as Nessie the Loch Ness monster (LNM) has been celebrated and immortalised by music down through the decades since her modern-day media debut during the early 1930s, but what may be surprising is the wide range of genres that have done so - from foxtrots and folk to heavy metal, skinhead reggae, and cartoon classics. So here is an annotated listing of some famous and not-so-famous musical tributes to the world's favourite monster, whatever your tuneful tastes may be, and accompanied wherever possible with links to their performances on YouTube.

And where better to begin than with some wonderful recordings inspired by and released during that fateful 1933-1934 period of LNM-related frenzy, a period that witnessed the reporting of some classic Nessie sightings following the opening in 1933 of a new motoring road, the A82, directly overlooking the northern shoreline of this hitherto-secluded loch – a significant event that brought the alleged existence of Nessie to the attention of an entranced media, both nationally and internationally.

Leslie Holmes (1934). 'I'm the Monster of Loch Ness'.
Perhaps the most popular of these early 1930s Nessie recordings is this delightful ditty, a comedy foxtrot written and composed by Ralph Butler and Will E. Haines, and most famously sung by British variety star Leslie 'the smiling vocalist' Holmes. Recorded by him on 6 January 1934 as a 78 rpm shellac record on London's Regal Zonophone label (with sheet music published by Cameo Music), it also featured the Midnight Minstrels, plus Scott Wood and His Orchestra. Holmes was also filmed singing it, in b/w, by London's British Pathé Studio, in an amusing sketch that included an appearance by Nessie herself at its close. Recorded on 25 January 1934, this sketch can be viewed here on YouTube.

Leslie Holmes (public domain)

In 2014, M. Ryan Taylor brought out a book of spooky songs entitled The Haunted Ukelele, which included 'I'm the Monster of Loch Ness'. Here is a recording of him singing it while playing a Koa model Godin Multiuke.

My sincere thanks to Facebook friend Joe Mancini for first alerting me to the Leslie Holmes version of this song.

Brian Lawrance (1934). 'Boo, Boo. Here Comes the Loch Ness Monster'.

This song is much more obscure than the previous one, despite featuring the well-regarded British vocalist and band leader Brian Lawrance on its best known version, which again was recorded in January 1934 as a 78 rpm record, but this time by the Eclipse label. As yet, I have been unable to trace an online version of it.

John Tilley (1933). 'The Loch Ness Monster'.

Not a song as such but what was back then a very famous comedy monologue for radio, spoken by John Tilley, a briefly popular, quintessentially English broadcaster/revue artist during the early 1930s, who recorded it as a 78 rpm record in December 1933 for the Columbia label. Tragically, Tilley was only in his late 30s when he died in 1935. You can listen to it here.

After those early recordings, a fair few years went by before Nessie received much in the way of further musical mileage, but from the 1960s (and especially the 1970s) onwards, she has been a perennially popular subject for songs and melody, as the following diverse selection demonstrates.

Robin Hall & Jimmie MacGregor (1961). 'The Monster of Loch Ness'.

This Scottish folk duo formed in 1960 and recorded over 20 albums together before their partnership ended in 1981. Their humorous Nessie song was co-written by MacGregor, was released as a 45 rpm vinyl single in 1961 on the Decca label, and can be listened to here.

King Horror (1969). 'Loch Ness Monster'.

This highly-collectible 1969 single by skinhead reggae act King Horror (originally a calypso singer, apparently) and issued on the Grape label is (in)famous for the OTT bloodcurdling screams at the onset (listen to it here). Somehow, I don't think that his Nessie is the shy, retiring, piscivorous type!

Alex Harvey (1977). 'Alex Harvey Presents: The Loch Ness Monster'.

Best known as the founder and frontman of the Sensational Alex Harvey Band (SAHB), Scottish rocker Alex Harvey also recorded this 40-minute spoken documentary solo LP album, released in 1977. Harvey had previously spent the summer at Invermoriston in the Scottish Highlands by himself while the rest of his band were doing other things, and had interviewed a range of LNM eyewitnesses and historians, recording their narratives and interspersing them with views of his own and also additional commentary by Richard O'Brien of The Rocky Horror Show and The Crystal Maze fame. Released as a limited edition album by the K-Tel label and complete with an illustrated 16-page diary-format booklet in a gatefold sleeve, allegedly only around 300 copies were actually pressed, thus making it highly sought-after. It only contains one (very short) song, right at the end of the LP, entitled 'I Like Monsters Too', which can be listened to here.

Front cover of 'Alex Harvey Presents: The Loch Ness Monster', a long-deleted LP (© K-Tel / inclusion here strictly on Fair Use/non-commercial basis only)

The Sensational Alex Harvey Band (1978). 'Water Beastie'.

The SAHB with Harvey fronting also recorded a Nessie song, 'Water Beastie', which appeared as track #8 on their 1978 album 'Road Drill', and was co-written by Harvey, Chris Glen, and Hugh McKenna, all from SAHB. Listen to it here.

The Police (1983). 'Synchronicity II'.

Appearing as track #6 on this seminal English rock band's album 'Synchronicity' and also released as a single in 1983, this song tells of two unrelated events that are happening simultaneously – a demeaned, harried husband and father's life descending into increasing depression and despair, while, far away, a monstrous entity emerges from a dark Scottish loch and moves ominously, inexorably, towards a lochside cottage. It was written by the band's lead singer/bassist, Sting, and can be viewed and listened to here.

One of the most popular animated children's TV series in Britain during the early 1980s was The Family Ness, which was created by English cartoonist Peter Maddocks of Maddocks Cartoon Productions, consisted of 25 five-minute episodes, and was originally screened on BBC 1, beginning in 1983. As its name suggests, its stars were a family of Nessies, plus two children, Elspeth and Angus MacTout, who could call the Nessies from their loch using secret thistle whistles. Each of the Nessies (of which there were many) was punningly named after their defining trait, and included among their number Clever Ness, Grumpy Ness, Lovely Ness, Hungry Ness, Silly Ness, and the daunting Ferocious Ness. The opening titles of each episode were accompanied by a catchy song, and a second equally catchy song accompanied the end credits of each one. Both were written by English songwriter Roger Greenaway and music composer Gavin Greenaway (Roger's son), and in 1985 they were released by the BBC in single format:

The Family Ness (1983). 'The Family Ness'.

This song was played over the opening titles to each episode of The Family Ness. No vocalist screen credit was aired, but it has been suggested that Gavin Greenaway himself may have been the singer, as he was aged approximately 20 at that time, and the singer sounds like someone of around that same age (ditto for the end credits song too – see next song entry).

The Family Ness (1983). 'You'll Never Find a Nessie in the Zoo'.

An extended, full-length version of this song, hitherto played only in brief, incomplete form over each episode's end credits, appeared in the very last episode of this TV series, and became the video for the song when released as a single. My dear little Mom, Mary Shuker, absolutely adored both the song and the video, and whenever I played it (having taped it on videocassette) she would always stop whatever she was doing and watch it, laughing with delight. Happy days, happy memories. Watch and listen to it here.

'You'll Never Find a Nessie in the Zoo', single (© BBC Records/Wikipedia)

Stuart Anderson (1992). 'Nessie (The Loch Ness Monster)'.

Mom was also a big fan of this act. In 1989, at the tender age of six, pint-sized Scottish singer Stuart Anderson's highly-polished performance of 'Bonnie Wee Jeannie McColl' in the annual 'Young Entertainer of the Year' competition staged on BBC1's Saturday morning teenage television show Going Live so entranced the voting public that he ultimately won it by the biggest margin of votes ever recorded in this competition. On the back of his success, Stuart went on to release several albums, one of which, 'Stuart Anderson Acts Naturally', released in 1992, contained the cheery singalong song 'Nessie (The Loch Ness Monster)'. Today, aged 32 and a well-respected guitar teacher, Stuart's very youthful showbiz days are long behind him, but he remains forever young - and forever singing about Nessie (not to mention Bonnie Wee Jeannie McColl!) – here on YouTube.

Phyllis Logan (1992). 'Shy Girl'.

This song comes from a British animated feature film entitled Freddie as F.R.O.7., which was released in 1992 (and retitled as Freddie the Frog in the USA). A James Bond parody, it tells the somewhat complicated story of Frederic, a medieval prince and heir to his country's throne, who is turned into a frog by his evil aunt Messina (who has already secretly killed his parents in her bid to become ruler), after which he travels through a time zone into the 20^th Century, becomes a member of the French Secret Service (F.R.O.7.) as Freddie the Frog, and is then sent by them to Britain in order to foil a plot by arch-villain El Supremo and Messina to enslave the world's population. Somewhere in amongst all of this mayhem, Freddie encounters Nessie (voiced by Phyllis Logan) and her many other long-neck relatives in Loch Ness, and she informs him in song (and dance) of what a shy girl she really is. An excerpt from the film that includes this song, and which in my opinion is both the most entertaining and the most beautifully animated section of the entire film, can be viewed here.

Theatrical film poster for Freddie as F.R.O.7. (© Rank Films – inclusion here via Wikipedia, on strictly Fair Use non-commercial basis only)

Pater Moeskroen (1992). 'Nessie'.

This is a Dutch folk band but their music is also infused with Celtic, klezmer, and punk elements. Their LNM song, from an early 1990s album, is apparently all about Nessie's, ahem, intimate liaisons with other loch monsters – but I don't speak Dutch, so I wouldn't know... Listen to it here.

Some Velvet Sidewalk (1992). 'Loch Ness'.

American experimental lo-fi rock band Some Velvet Sidewalk released two different versions of their Nessie-themed song 'Loch Ness' (listen to it here). One version appeared as track #2 on their own 1992 album, 'Avalanche'; the other had appeared a year earlier, again as track #2, but this time on 'Kill Rock Stars', which was a compilation album featuring a number of different acts.

Those Darn Accordions (1996). 'Deathbed Confession'.

This song from San Francisco accordion band Those Darn Accordions' 1996 album 'No Strings Attached' takes its inspiration from the 'deathbed confession' claim of Christian Spurling in 1993 regarding his supposed (but never confirmed) hoaxing of the famous Surgeon's Photograph, by having allegedly made a head-and-neck model of Nessie, attached it to a toy submarine, and set it afloat on Loch Ness one day in April 1934, where it was then reputedly photographed, yielding the iconic image that gynaecologist and purported co-conspirator Robert Kenneth Wilson then passed off to the media as a genuine Nessie photo.

The Real McKenzies (2001). 'Nessie'.

This song is the opening track to Canadian Celtic punk band The Real McKenzies' 2001 album 'Loch'd and Loaded', and is basically a protest song regarding the search for and potential future capture of Nessie.

Judas Priest (2005). 'Lochness'.

This lengthy track (13.28 minutes long) is the tenth and final one on world-famous British heavy metal band Judas Priest's fifteenth studio album, 'Angel of Retribution', and was co-written by their legendary leather-clad frontman, Rob Halford, returning to the band after an absence of 15 years. Listen to it here.

Judas Priest lead singer Rob Halford – not only a fellow biker and a fellow West Midlander (we were born just a few miles from one another) but also, it would seem, a fellow Nessie enthusiast! (© Rob Halford/Kerrang! / inclusion here strictly on Fair Use/non-commercial basis only)

Honorary mentions are also due to the following three songs, which are not themselves about Nessie but feature Nessie-themed official videos in the first two instances and in the third instance is the title track of an entire Nessie-themed movie:

Reggie and the Full Effect (2005). 'Get Well Soon'.

The video to this song, track #2 from Kansas City rock band Reggie and the Full Effect's 2005 album 'Songs Not To Get Married To', features the collapse and total disintegration of a green, suspiciously arm-puppet-like Loch Ness monster's entire life, beginning with a savage divorce settlement in which he loses his loch and is forced to roam the streets homeless as his life falls apart, reduced to living in cardboard boxes. Unrelentingly dark and grim, there is no happy ending for this video's LNM. Watch it here to see for yourself.

The Automatic (2006). 'Monster'.

In pleasant contrast, the video to this 2006 song, track #5 on Welsh rock band The Automatic's debut album 'Not Accepted Anywhere', is pure slapstick comedy, featuring a Nessie whose vertical neck rising above the loch's surface is of veritable skyscraper proportions yet somehow still manages to go unnoticed by the band, starring here as hapless monster seekers. So too does a dancing bigfoot that definitely gets down and gets with it as their song plays, before things finally hot up in every sense for our heroes when they have an exceedingly close encounter with a UFO. View it here.

Adam Faith (1961). 'What a Whopper'.

Also well worth including here is this title track to a British b/w comedy film from 1961 entitled What a Whopper, featuring an attempt by a young struggling would-be novelist to raise money by writing a book about the Loch Ness Monster and then, to generate plenty of publicity for it and thus ensure its success, staging a hoaxed Nessie sighting - only for the real Nessie herself to make a surprise, and very tongue-in-cheek, appearance in the closing scene of the film. It starred British rock 'n' roll singer and actor Adam Faith, who also sang the toe-tapping theme song (written by Johnny Worth) that opens the film. View and listen to it here.

Nessie making her long-awaited appearance in the closing scene of What a Whopper (© Viscount Films / inclusion here strictly on Fair Use/non-commercial basis only)

In addition to those songs documented above, in which Nessie features extensively in the lyrics, there are a fair few others in which she is mentioned briefly or in passing. No less than 57 of these, recorded by the likes of Eminem, Roger Taylor, Pras, De La Soul, and Crash Test Dummies among others, can be accessed here.

Finally: Although by far the most extensively represented example, Nessie is not the only water monster to have inspired various songs and other musical compositions. Here are three notable non-LNM examples:

THE LAKE OKANAGAN MONSTER: Paul Whiteman Orchestra (1924). 'The Ogo-Pogo – The Funny Fox-Trot'.

As every self-respecting cryptozoological enthusiast will readily confirm, this is the English music-hall song from 1924, composed by Mark Strong, that subsequently gave its name to the now-famous water monster of Canada's Lake Okanagan (until then, it had been known only as the naitaka - a traditional Native American name given to it by the local Okanakane nation). Despite the song featuring a banjo-playing terrestrial monster from Hindustan (additionally sporting a pair of antennae and wearing boots in the delightful illustration by Fred Low adorning its sheet music's front cover) - far removed indeed from Canada's unequivocally non-musical aquatic cryptid of serpentiform shape – the name Ogopogo stuck, and the Lake Okanagan monster has been affectionately referred to by it ever since.

Front cover of my original copy of the sheet music for the Savoy Havana Band's version of  'The Ogo-Pogo – The Funny Fox-Trot' (© Dr Karl Shuker)

For further details concerning this song - including how I was fortunate enough to encounter and purchase a copy of the sheet music for the Savoy Havana Band's original version of it from 1924, thereby enabling me to include its front cover illustration for the very first time in a cryptozoological publication (my book In Search of Prehistoric Survivors, 1995) - please click here. Several different acts released this song in 78 rpm record format during the 1920s, including the Paul Whiteman Orchestra in 1925 that featured Billy Murray as vocalist singing reworded American lyrics (which can be listened to here) rather than the original English ones written by Cumberland Clark, the Savoy Havana Band singing the original English lyrics (see illustration above), Meyer Davis' Swanee Syncopaters, and George Berry (aka Harry Fay).

THE PATAGONIAN PLESIOSAUR: Arturo Terri (1922). 'El Plesiosaurio Tango'.

Seemingly as elusive as the lake-dwelling Patagonian long-neck that it celebrates, this exotic-sounding crypto-composition has evaded every attempt not only by me but also by several friends and correspondents on Facebook to track down an online recording of it – but this is only fitting, I suppose, bearing in mind that its subject also succeeded in remaining concealed from those searching for it.

Dr Clemente Onelli - seeker of the Patagonian plesiosaur (public domain)

With lyrics by Amilcar Morbidelli), it was composed in 1922 by Rafael D'Agostino to commemorate Argentinian biologist Dr Clemente Onelli's expedition during April of that same year to a mountain lake near Esquel in Argentina, seeking the so-called Patagonian plesiosaur that had allegedly been sighted there by an itinerant Texan adventurer called Martin Sheffield who had lived off the land in Patagonia for many years. Sponsored by Buenos Aires Zoo, of which Onelli was the director, the expedition did reach this lake, but no sightings of cryptids were made (further details can be found in my book In Search of Prehistoric Survivors). D'Agostino dedicated his plesiosaur tango to Onelli (who died in 1924), a caricature of whom is humorously portrayed riding the plesiosaur on the front cover of the Arturo Terri version of this composition's sheet music.

Front cover of the sheet music for Arturo Terri's version of 'El Plesiosaurio Tango' (public domain)

If anyone reading this ShukerNature blog article knows of an online recording of 'El Plesiosaurio', I'd greatly welcome details. Meanwhile, here is a link to its Spanish lyrics.

Incidentally, this was not the only 1920s musical composition inspired by Onelli's Patagonian pursuit of plesiosaurs. Here is the delightful front cover illustration from Fernando Randle's piano sheet music for his own composition, 'El Plesiosauro Tango' (note the slight difference in its title's spelling from that of D'Agostino's tango), featuring a very dapper pipe-smoking plesiosaur with top hat, spats, and cane! Sadly, however, Randle's plesiosaur tango was not as popular as D'Agostino's. Once again, I haven't been able to locate an online recording of it, so I'd greatly appreciate any assistance in doing so.

Front cover of the piano sheet music for Fernando Randle's 'El Plesiosauro Tango' (public domain)

Julio Fava Pollero's 'Antediluvian Tango' was a third tango inspired by Onelli's plesiosaur hunt, but although he performed with his own orchestra he never released this composition in record form, only as sheet music, published in 1927. This was because by then the swell of public interest in the Patagonian plesiosaur expedition had subsided. Its sheet music's front cover depicted a humorous caricature of Onelli attempting to tie the plesiosaur down.

My sincere thanks to several Facebook friends, especially Karl J. Claridge, Claudio Diaz, Adam Naworal, Jeff Rausch, and Valerie Wyllie, for supplying me with information and images relating to this trio of Patagonian plesiosaur tangos.

THE GREAT SEA SERPENT: Maurice Strakosch (1850). 'Sea Serpent Polka'.

Inspired by a bout of sea serpent sightings off the towns of Gloucester and Nahant in Massachusetts, New England, USA, during 1817-1819, this very jaunty polka was written in 1850 by Maurice Strakosch, an American musician of Czech origin, and featured an immense snake-like sea serpent coiled upon the front cover of its sheet music. An undated recording of concertina player Michel Van Der Meiren performing this lively tune can be listened to here on YouTube.

Front cover of the sheet music for 'Sea Serpent Polka' (public domain)

Many thanks indeed to Facebook friend Jeff Meuse for bringing this charming instrumental composition to my attention.

I do hope that you've enjoyed this very special Nessie concert here on ShukerNature. If so, then that is definitely music to my ears!

This ShukerNature blog article is excerpted from my book Here's Nessie! A Monstrous Compendium From Loch Ness – coming soon!

Nessie - the coolest crypto-rock star of them all! (© Dr Karl Shuker)